I can now admit that nobody knows my turmoils and achievements better than I do and for all the things I've been through, I really need to give myself more credit. To be able to say this out loud without hesitation is lowkey a big deal to me (lol paradox?). It makes me want to celebrate 'me' openly, especially with my birthday around the corner.
I'm a big believer on celebrating ourselves and each other every day. On a daily basis, I'd celebrate my little milestones such as making a good omelet, drinking enough water, getting to bed on time, getting out of bed. I'd pat myself on the back over the little things in the present.
On my birthday, I'd be taking a step back and celebrating the bigger picture. I'd look at everything that has happened to get me to where I am today. If I don't like where I am today, I'd ask myself what can I do to change that.
With the things I don't like in mind and the changes I'm finding hard to stick with, I also begin to recollect the mistakes I've made. On that note, I want to apologise to anyone that I've hurt along the way. I do not have it all together and I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm still learning a lot about myself and I very much want to learn from my mistakes healthily. To discuss my mistakes openly here is something I'm not ready for, but there is one mistake that I'd like to vaguely share by boxing it as advice, with love, from me to you:
Don't dim yourself down for someone, even if they mean the world to you.
Whether it's a romantic partner, a family member, a friend, whoever it is, never dim yourself down for the sake of their comfort. You have every right to be respected and to be loved in the way you wish to be (within reason of course). Don't settle for someone who doesn't try enough to keep you excited, happy, surprised. Don't let anyone think it's okay to do something to you out of spite. Don't play dumb to ease someone's ego. Do not dim yourself down when you know you deserve better.
I'm grateful to all the people who have stayed and have gone. I can't believe it's another year for me. I don't know what else to say. There was a time when I thought none of this would happen, but I don't feel like going into that tonight. :) Instead I'll be wishing myself a happy birthday once the clock hits 12 and the date flips to May 9.
Thank you from the murky bottom of my heart.
I'm curious to see what's ahead for all of us!