may day, may day! i was a lame sophomore.

Movies taught me that you go through puberty, have a coming-of-age moment and get a sicc glow up as a result. All of this happens in your teen years. 

My coming-of-age moment did not happen when I was in sophomore/junior/senior year but eventually my moment came. When it did come, my body and behaviour did a loooot of growing up.

I had a handful of life lessons in my teen years that were coming-of-age themed, but I don't think the growth was not there. I felt as if I was just passive about everything and had zero confidence. Although, this slowly changed a few years later.

i'm no teenage icon

Adolescence. Ah yes, the age that Hollywood glorifies. This is when we all start hitting puberty with the periods, the boobs, the voice cracking and hairy parts. All great. There's so many new, exciting changes to our body, some of which are weird to deal with at first. Let's not forget the acne. Oh man the acne. If you didn't have it bad, consider yourself lucky! 

When I was a teenager, I wasn't very comfortable in my own skin and I guess I was pretty shy compared to now. I don't think I "found myself" at all during this period like a lot of movies show, but I was beginning to learn some new shades of good and bad emotions i.e. being grateful, support, heartbreak, loneliness, anxiety, loss to name a few. I was learning a little about myself, but I still didn't know who I was (#deep). There was no moment to the finale of my adolescence where everything just clicked and I went "Yes, this is what I was made for/This is who I am". It didn't happen then. Not yet.

Teenage eliorkid felt like she was just floating by. I could call myself a wallflower. A side character to all my friend's exciting lives. I was there. I went to parties. I participated in tons of after school activities, did sports, musicals, performances, but I don't remember truly feeling like myself or being properly present. I floated in and out of places and activities and my heart was never 100% there. That's why writing college essays were so hard for me. I didn't know what I want at the time and that made me panic.
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my coming-of-age movie

Of course, life has a way of working itself out. I did end up figuring something out.

​My coming-of-age moment started when I was 19 going on 20. I felt more growth in this period than in any moment of my life and It's all thanks to the experiences I've gained. I took lead in things that I normally wouldn't. I held my own segment at my campus radio station, I competed in dance competitions, I made music with my friends, I started experimenting with my own style, and made SOOO many mistakes at my first job (still loved every minute of it). Later on I moved out and got a place with a friend, struggled big-time to adult (ew bills, legal documents, taxes, insurance eee), still battling my past traumas head on (!!), had conflict with people I least expected, quit bad habits, but also had a hard time when I formed unpleasant, new ones. 

I became okay with failing and that fuelled me to keep on trying things out. I wasn't as afraid as I used to be, but that doesn't mean I'm already super comfortable with my failures. I made so many new friends along the way and I lost some too. I learned a whole new wheel of emotions throughout this period i.e. trust, loyalty, forgiveness, patience, faith, new types of love, confidence. I started to feel a lot more like myself because I became sure of what I wanted. I now know who I am and who I want to be. It feels pretty great.

​Except for the puberty bit. I sometimes get #painfulperiods orz

​I was a lame sophomore, and a part of that lame sophomore kid will always be with me. Right now, I'm learning to be kinder to myself and not take myself too seriously. I don't have a lot of things figured out, but I'm trying not to stress over uncertainties. If it seemed like I have my shit together in this article, that's only partially true. I do not have everything under control, but I'm definitely in better shape now. If only teen me could see herself rn!

​Y-yay? No.. YAY!​

I hope you know that you don't have to have life-changing experiences, revelations and critical turning points in your life by the age of 17, 27 or even 47. There's no deadline, so I don't know why people or even I, feel the need to rush! An important thing I like to keep in mind is to practice healthy self-reflection. This helps me become aware of where I am, what I want and changes worth noticing. 

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Thanks for staying with me this far! 'Til then. eliorkid♡