When you look at who's a real friend and ask yourself whether you're a real friend, this isn't about who has been the nicest to you or who has done the most for you when you needed help. Sure, the latter does matter but when we're looking at a "real friend", there's more to it.
I'd like to share with you what I've learned :) maybe it might help you?
*Before I begin please note that these are based on my experiences and I am in no way putting this out as some subtweet. I love all my friends!
PIN THE FAçADE ON THE BINCH
When someone is authentic, they are honest, true to themselves and to you. They would treat everyone equally and are upfront with you if they are worried about you or they feel that something is wrong.
The more we put ourselves out into the world, the more 'fake binches' we'll come across. Fake binches will be kind to you and you might never find out that it was all a facade. What you can do is watch how your friends treat other people, how they speak of others and of themselves. What kind of questions are they asking? This can be a little tell to their ego, respect and intentions.
So I'm not telling you to be extra cautious from now on, but if you ever have a hunch about someone in your life, you can try pay extra attention this way.
YOU ARE NOT A PIT-STOP
If your friend is reaching out to you only when it's convenient to them, you may want to check in on that. A real friend would be there for you regardless of what's in it for them.
I have a group of friends who are always down to have me over at their house at whatever time and are up for a call if I needed someone to talk to. They never expected anything in return. I didn't either. Eventually, nobody had to ask for anything. We'd be there for each other when we understood that someone needed it.
I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU
The people you would consider a real friend do not have to be those closest to you, but they would inspire you to be a better version of yourself. They are authentic and they don't treat people like pit-stops. They radiate authenticity and are so genuine that it should make you want to reflect on yourself as a person. It should inspire you to grow into being comfortable and confident with who you are.
If someone is putting you down and doesn't want to celebrate the big AND small milestones, what are are they doing? What are you doing? You don't need that! I learned this the hard way, but I came out of it and here I am writing this little thing.
EVERYONE HAS FLAWS
Big time. We all have our flaws. Real friends have the guts to be straight up with you about a flaw in behaviour that is affecting other people. Or, they're incredibly accepting of your traits, or will work with you if you want to drop a bad habit. Whatever it is, a real friend recognizes your flaws but will accept who you are. Plus, if you're doing something that's harmful to other people, they'll definitely step in with a big "yo u gotta chill".
These are some things that help me understand who are real friends to me. Real friends support your growth, goals, will hype you up, are sincere with you, will give you an honest opinion, they've got your back even behind your back.
If you feel like you need to ask yourself some questions about a friend in your life who has some possible red flags, trust your gut and take the time. Especially if this person's putting you down.
Again, everyone has flaws and we should accept people as they are, but you do not need to accept someone who's hurting your growth and your well-being.
Thanks for being here! 'Til then. eliorkid♡